Disappointed in vs. with: Which is Correct in English?

Expressing disappointment accurately in English requires understanding the subtle but important distinction between "disappointed in" and "disappointed with." Both phrases are grammatically correct, but they serve different semantic purposes that can significantly impact how your message is interpreted. This distinction matters particularly for non-native speakers aiming for precision in their communication.

The Core Difference: People vs. Things

The fundamental rule governing these two expressions centers on the object of your disappointment:

Use "disappointed in" when referring to people and their behavior, choices, or actions. This phrasing implies a sense of letdown related to someone's character or decisions.

Use "disappointed with" when referring to objects, situations, outcomes, or results. This phrasing focuses on dissatisfaction with something tangible or an event rather than a person.

This distinction helps English speakers communicate precisely whether their disappointment stems from someone's actions or from circumstances beyond human control.

"Disappointed in" - When to Use It

"Disappointed in" carries a more personal and often emotional weight. It suggests that someone has failed to meet expectations regarding their behavior, ethics, or choices. Consider these contexts:

When someone has broken a promise
When a person has acted contrary to their usual character
When someone has failed to fulfill their responsibilities
When expressing disappointment about a personal relationship

Effective Examples of "Disappointed in"

"The CEO was disappointed in the team lead for misrepresenting the project timeline."
"Many voters were disappointed in the candidate for abandoning campaign promises."
"The professor was disappointed in her student for submitting plagiarized work."
"Parents are often disappointed in their children when they witness dishonesty."
"I was disappointed in myself for not preparing adequately for the interview."

Notice how each example connects disappointment directly to a person and their actions, suggesting that the disappointment stems from behavior that didn't align with expectations.

"Disappointed with" - When to Use It

"Disappointed with" applies to situations, objects, outcomes, or experiences that didn't meet expectations. This phrasing carries less personal judgment and focuses more on the quality, function, or result of something. Use this construction when referring to:

Products or services
Events or experiences
Outcomes or results
Situations or circumstances
Systems or processes

Effective Examples of "Disappointed with"

"Customers were disappointed with the new software release due to numerous bugs."
"The homeowners were disappointed with the renovation results despite the contractor's promises."
"Critics were disappointed with the film's ending, calling it predictable."
"She was disappointed with her exam grade after studying extensively."
"Travelers were disappointed with the flight cancellations caused by the storm."

These examples demonstrate how "disappointed with" focuses on experiences, outcomes, or objects rather than on people's character or choices.

Common Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Non-native English speakers often struggle with selecting the correct preposition. Here are some common errors to avoid:

Incorrect Preposition Choices

❌ "Disappointed on" - This is grammatically incorrect in standard English.
❌ "Disappointed for" - While "for" can be used in other disappointment expressions (e.g., "I'm disappointed for you"), it doesn't replace "in" or "with."
❌ "Disappointing in" - This changes the meaning significantly, as "disappointing" is an adjective rather than expressing someone experiencing disappointment.

Mixing Up the Context

❌ "I'm disappointed with my friend." - While grammatically correct, this suggests disappointment with your friend as an object rather than with their actions.
✓ "I'm disappointed in my friend for canceling our plans." - This correctly attributes disappointment to the person's actions.
❌ "I'm disappointed in the meal." - This incorrectly personifies the meal.
✓ "I'm disappointed with the meal." - This correctly expresses disappointment about an object.

Practical Exercise: Choose the Correct Expression

Test your understanding with these practical examples. Select whether "disappointed in" or "disappointed with" would be more appropriate:

The coach was ________ the player for missing practice repeatedly.
Viewers were ________ the season finale of the popular TV show.
She felt ________ her brother for breaking her trust.
We were ________ the hotel accommodations during our vacation.
They were ________ the decision to cancel the community event.
My manager was ________ me for not meeting the deadline.

Answers:

disappointed in (refers to a person's behavior)
disappointed with (refers to a thing - the TV show)
disappointed in (refers to a person and their actions)
disappointed with (refers to a thing - accommodations)
disappointed with (refers to a situation - the decision)
disappointed in (refers to a person's performance)

Regional Variations in Usage

While the fundamental distinction between "disappointed in" and "disappointed with" remains consistent across English-speaking countries, there are subtle regional preferences:

American and British English

Both American and British English maintain the same basic distinction between "disappointed in" for people and "disappointed with" for things. The usage patterns are largely identical, with both phrases being common in formal and informal contexts.

Australian and Canadian English

In Australian and Canadian English, the same usage rules apply. However, data suggests a slightly higher preference for "disappointed with" even in some contexts where "disappointed in" might be expected in other varieties of English.

English as a Second Language (ESL) Contexts

In regions where English is commonly spoken as a second language, the distinction is sometimes blurred. ESL speakers may incorrectly use alternative prepositions like "disappointed on" or "disappointed for," which are not standard in native English usage.

Alternative Ways to Express Disappointment

English offers numerous alternatives to express disappointment with varying degrees of intensity and formality:

For People ("Disappointed in" Alternatives)

"Let down by" - "I feel let down by his repeated dishonesty."
"Disillusioned with" - "Many fans became disillusioned with the athlete after the scandal."
"Lost respect for" - "She lost respect for her colleague after witnessing the unprofessional behavior."
"Expected better from" - "I expected better from someone with your experience."

For Things and Situations ("Disappointed with" Alternatives)

"Dissatisfied with" - "The committee was dissatisfied with the proposal's lack of detail."
"Unhappy about" - "Customers were unhappy about the sudden price increase."
"Not impressed by" - "Critics were not impressed by the band's latest album."
"Fell short of expectations" - "The conference fell short of our expectations."

Expressing Disappointment in Professional Settings

In workplace communication, expressing disappointment effectively requires balancing honesty with professionalism. Here's how to use these phrases appropriately in professional contexts:

When Addressing Colleagues or Subordinates

When expressing disappointment in a team member's performance or behavior, focus on specific actions rather than making general character judgments:

"I'm disappointed in how the client presentation was handled" (better than "I'm disappointed in you")
"I'm disappointed with the quarterly results, but I know we can improve next quarter"

In Customer Service Settings

When responding to customer complaints, acknowledge their feelings while taking responsibility:

"We understand you're disappointed with our service, and we're committed to making it right."
"I apologize that you're disappointed with your purchase experience."

The Psychological Impact of "Disappointed in" vs. "Disappointed with"

The distinction between these phrases carries psychological weight that extends beyond grammar:

The Weight of "Disappointed in"

When someone says they're "disappointed in" another person, it often carries implications about character, values, or integrity. This phrasing can feel more personal and judgmental, potentially triggering shame or defensiveness. Parents and authority figures often use this construction precisely because of its emotional impact.

The Objectivity of "Disappointed with"

"Disappointed with" creates emotional distance by focusing on the outcome rather than the person. It feels less accusatory and more focused on the situation. This phrasing is often preferred in conflict resolution because it keeps the focus on the issue rather than attacking character.

Disappointment in Digital Communication

Modern communication platforms introduce new considerations for expressing disappointment appropriately:

In Written Communication

Without tone and facial expressions, written disappointment can be misinterpreted. Consider these approaches:

Be specific about what caused the disappointment
Avoid all-caps or excessive punctuation that may amplify the message
Consider whether the message is better delivered verbally for sensitive matters

In Email and Professional Messaging

When expressing disappointment in professional digital communication:

Begin with context before expressing disappointment
Focus on solutions and next steps
Consider whether "disappointed" language is necessary at all

Memory Techniques for English Learners

For non-native English speakers, remembering the correct usage can be challenging. These memory techniques may help:

The "Person-In, Thing-With" Rule

The simplest approach is to remember: people go "in," things go "with."

Disappointed IN people
Disappointed WITH things

Contextual Association

Create a mental image connecting "in" with entering someone's personal space (appropriate when discussing personal behavior) and "with" as accompanying something (appropriate for objects or situations).

Practice Through Paired Examples

Create paired example sentences that highlight the contrast:

"I'm disappointed in my sister for lying / I'm disappointed with my sister's behavior."
"I'm disappointed in the chef / I'm disappointed with the meal."

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